getting back to normal

Have you ever just had that moment where you just go "Aaah" and no as much as that sounds like peeing I'm not talking about that. From the whirlwind of this year I haven't felt as if I were in control over anything. Yesterday after much needed rest from my graveyard shift I had that moment. Although it came late in the day and I didn't get to capitalize on it as much as I wanted I did what I could. Then I had to get ready for work.

Bugs was still awake when I was getting ready for work and she was explaining to me that she was afraid of her room. I was trying to tell her that she needed to be a big girl. She told me that she was still a little girl so she needed to stay in my bed. Moments later the A/C came on and it was blowing right in my face and I said the a/c smells good. she then proceeded to smell her arm and tell me that her arm pit smells good. I dunno who's child this is but I'm glad she is a tad bit strange, because she fits in nicely.

I've been thinkin'

It's my belief we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain. - Lily Tomlin

and on that note:

I miss my long hair.

What is it about this time around that it feels like an eternity for my hair to grow out. I mean come on! Granted I usually don't cut it as short as I have in the past. I'm secretly hoping to find one of those traveling salesmen, (you know the types like in Pete's Dragon that sells the cure-all) that would help me with growing out my hair, and then I think of Anne of Green Gables and when she purchased that hair dye from the traveling salesmen and he promised it would turn her hair a beautiful raven black and it turned green.. I don't think I could rock the green hair look.

Occasionally I will have the hair dream.. OK that sounds a bit weird but I will dream that my hair was back tot he length that I had it at maybe 5 years ago or so and I would have all these cute little hair dos like ponytails and twists and when I wake up .. I'm HUGELY disappointed.

So I guess all I really can do it wait and wait and wait and wait, I'm guessing its gunna take about 4 years to get it back to were I want it. and after that I'm not going to cut it for a while.

I have had a lot of different hair styles through out the years, I have posted a few just to back up what I'm saying, granted I have a TON more then whats here but these were alread on my computer and I"m not going to sit here and scan pictures of myself in.. that would just be a bit weird.

so to start us off:

High School Grad Night: My mother wanted me to graduate with somewhat of my "natural hair color" so 3hrs later I went from Cherry Cola to a mishmosh of what my natural color looked liked. Can't really tell in this photo but oh well 

Engagement Photo: I originally met lance with waist length blonde hair with two very large black strips in the front. new boyfriend new hair.. hey don't judge!

 was this the first time we lived with lances parents of the second.. i dunno

 wow I have a freaky neck vain..

 I"m pretty sure I have posted this before but check out our sweet dresses.. That's my friend Fish by the way.. Fish as in one fish two fish not as in she drinks alot, now that would be awkward.

 I'm sure you can guess.. I was two weeks away from having Bug, that's when it all started going down hill with chopping my hair.

I didn't post a now picture cuz if you really wanted to see it you would just scroll down the blog a bit at mine and bugs fish face.. that's what my hair looks like now. I love that I have my natural color back I'm just getting impatient. =) 

yeah so I went through this a spell checked a few words but I didn't reread it, so if I sound whiny I'm sure  you will get over it.  

* and ya know whats kinds weird is the fact that I had a catagory for hair.. I wonder how much I talk about it.. weird

30 Days of Organinz...blah blah blah

Yeah so this Idea TOTALLY BOMBED I mean BIG TIME!!!... I guess that's what happens when I try and do everything at once. Once I started the organizing I also started adding more photo sessions to my work load there were a couple of weeks that I had 4 or 5 in the week and then the editing on top of that.. plus I had a 2 year old potty training (I know cry me a river right, but who do you think I am Wonder Women!)

So enough of my excuses. I can just saw this: I will EVENTUALLY get my house organized. I will EVENTUALLY start sewing, cooking, working-out and breathing again and I also will EVENTUALLY turn into Martha Stewart... (maybe not that last one) 

My big this is that At least I am still working towards a goal that I have set and since I am so completely stubborn I won't let up until I finish it.. I can just hear my husbands voice in my head laughing. (I hardly finish anything)

I have used way to many parentheses in this post and they have most likely been grammatically abused..

If I were a Super Hero...

I'd be a pretty bad one. For starters, I am extremely clumsy... I've been known to fall over with nothing being in my way and just by simply walking. I think that is way I prefer not wearing any shoes. But when I don't wear shoes I stub my toes a lot. I am not one of those super humans you hear about running half way around the world to help people out, most of the time I have a hard time figuring out how I'm going to help out my own little family, let alone the world around me. I do have some superhero qualities such as being able to change a smelly diaper in under 15 seconds, Figuring out what to cook for dinner when nothing is thawed and I haven't been to the grocery store in over a week, I'm pretty sure my hugs have both healing and soothing qualities. However I do have some weaknesses as do all superheroes which consist of being human and making mistakes, forgetfulness, and fear. Sometimes I wonder if i should actually be a villain with all my shortcomings but then I realize I could never be a villain I like to smile and an to happy a person to be one.
So I guess I could be a superhero... to someone at least.

I QUIT

After giving this an extreme amount of thought I have decided to stop advertising and pursuing Wedding Photography.

Reasons:

1. In trying to do this the proper way and registering my business I have been screwed over by the government and there tax laws. it is getting increasingly difficult to follow what they are thinking.

2. I spend more time editing each night and I would much rather be with my family. My house never gets clean and my child is attention deprived.

3. there are a dime a dozen of us out her and really whats the point.



I do have one condition, if previous people have reffered clients to me then I will take them, but that's pretty much it.

So many things to blog about so little time...

We have been going crazy, The blazer finally gave up the ghost and died. Luckily I have the greatest family ever and my Grandparents sent us up there truck which my mother happily delivered. THANK YOU! you guys are a heaven sent.

ME

I haven't blogged for a week. and it isn't because I don't have the internet.

I just haven't been wanting to express anything out loud lately, And besides it's pretty hard to top a sunbathing squirrel. That's one heck of a post to follow.

I hope to be out of my "funk" soon. Maybe I'll go for a run.... (yeah right)

To Work or Not To Work... Now that's a question

-I am feeling torn.

-I got offered a good job up in Salt Lake City

-The plus side it would help pay bills down more quickly.
-The negative side would be me having to leave my wonderful little girl in the care of someone that isn't me.

-I have a knot in my chest and I'm extremely anxious about this decision... What do I do? Who do I talk to? Am I a bad person for thinking this?

-I wish their were an EASY BUTTON that I could press and make everything clear to me.

-Lots of Prayers, Scripture Study and Soul Searching.


**********HELP!************

These are the days

What am I to do when I feel my little world is falling apart? Although the world has fallen are hard times I can always look to my husband and child to know that I still have it all. No matter what the world throws my way I will take it full force and give it back ten fold.

Although I am being vague all in due time will the wheel of our future unravel and we will look back and see... Oh that's way it had to happen this way.

That is all I have to say..